The Birth of a Dreamer

Hey Dreamer,

I hope you and your family are well. In this piece, I will explicitly talk about the most depressing phase of my life and how I sailed through it. I believe honestly acknowledging your struggle, and then sharing it with others without any dilution is one of the best soul-feeding exercises.

While I was in school, I always lived as if I was the King of life. I was the protagonist of my story. I had a winning mindset, and thus, achieved everything I ever sought. From being the topper to exhibiting great enthusiasm in sports, to organizing school functions, to be the head boy of the school, I never lost the zeal for life. I was a happy camper in a small world created by my childish imagination. But merely, I was aware that I was one of the thousands of small-town stars who unknowingly fail to perceive the real battleground, i.e., life.

And the time came! I went to Kota with a mission to clear IIT JEE. Hardly I knew I was going to have the toughest fight of my life back then. After a month, unknown fears wounded me. Due to a lack of English proficiency, I faced a lot of unexpected challenges, which lowered my confidence. The compounded effect of the inability to grasp lecture concepts and lowered self-confidence turned out to be the most formidable attack on self-worth. That followed by a few more incidents shattered my faith in my IIT dream. I was at a peak vulnerability to those situational challenges. But two qualities: a tenacious attitude, and a strong will, that I believe have galvanized my mindset to chase my dream. In the end, it was the win of my unwavering belief during the journey. Trust the process, devote your mind and body to it, and savor every moment of the voyage. After all, life itself is a dream :)!

Finally, I cracked IIT, which embarked on the origin of my IIT dream life. But hardly I suspected life had conspired new challenges ahead for me. Once again, I failed to sense another impending storm, which was more terrible this time. The wind of angst lasted for one and a half years, while I drifted through the darkest days of my life. I turned out to be the subject of a joke for my friends, mainly due to my unusual accent and incompetence in English. There is no sense in recalling the imprinted memories. They will remain my fire forever. On top of it, two failed one-sided love stories crushed my heart in the first two years, and crippled me emotionally. I remained lost in the crowd in the first 18 months of college life because of self-doubt triggered by the peers’ opinions.

All this time, I was at the low of my life, losing confidence with every passing day, farewelling my real-self, emptying my vessel of positivity, dying inside each day, feeding my fears, delving into the world of self-doubt, surrendering my skills to the dark forces, abandoning my self-esteem, overlooking my true potential, wearing a mask of happiness, drowning into the ocean of pessimistic thoughts and striving for someone to lend me a hand. I almost gave up on life.

My consciousness was hovering over the devil’s corner of my mind. It was astonishing as well as disheartening to see my friend’s ignorance towards my life’s excruciating downfall. I didn’t blame anyone as they were engrossed in their woes. This subtle observation got into believing that everyone is wandering inside the worlds conceived by lost minds. Despite a strong realization that no one was scrutinizing my actions, I still could not gather the courage to release myself from the prison of fears. My fears were dragging me into a parallel universe.

In the world where I was wallowing in self-pity, the bleeding lion inside me was invoking my real spirit. I wanted to die with memories, not dreams. I vowed to roar with confidence, develop the skills needed to pulverize their shallow opinions, and transform my pain into the biggest strength. These feelings came along after another realization mentioned below.

As said, the way comes on the way. The strong will is a hidden gift forged through the rocky times. He who wants to succeed as bad as he wants to breathe discovers the treasure. When I stopped heeding to the external voices and shut my brain, I heard a whisper humming inside my heart:

I started getting out of the woods after embracing the positivity. A changed mindset is more powerful than the circumstances. It was astounding to realize the powers I gained during that existential crisis. Those undesired times ramped up my mental capacity, skyrocketed my patience levels, spurred my perseverance, and imbibed in me a fighting spirit. In my opinion, those who don’t practice gratitude find it very difficult to manifest these superpowers. You get based on what you choose to appreciate. If you encourage others and appreciate their art, an invisible force makes sure you are always motivated. Now when I look back, I feel blessed from all that happened.

Einstein’s discovery of the nature of time has enlightened my perspective towards life for good:

“Time is not absolute. An event that occurs at x, a moment in time, in your frame of reference might not be synchronous with another observer with a different frame of reference.”

If there is no standard universal frame of reference for time, what’s your basis for forming opinions for others? Those who practice solitude never judge, and those who judge, they do so to escape their isolation. You will live like a free bird if you don’t judge others.

I deciphered from past experiences that struggles are going to stay with me forever. Instead, I must embrace all and work towards sustainable solutions from a long-term perspective. I ultimately realized that Knowledge is Salvation and committed myself to lifelong learning. Since then, I have encountered a lot of unforeseen incidents, but my strong will to overcome every obstacle that comes my way has carved out as my Brahmāstra. I now want to live life as a victor, not a victim.

“When the storm prevails, a highly willed mind sails. Like the nucleus (which is 10^(–5) times the size of the atom) is the source of positivity in the entire negative electron cloud. Similarly, one potent positive thought can galvanize the universe of negative thoughts.” — RB

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