Why Listening Feels A Lot Like Loving

I recently wrote an article on the lost art of listening. I might not have done it enough justice.

The honeymoon phase of a relationship consists of both the partners trying to learn about each other. This involves a significant amount of listening, to both verbal and non-verbal cues.

You learn about their likes, dislikes, childhood, what makes them tick, maybe even trauma and fear. That kind of attention can be heady.Being heard to makes you feel acknowledged and loved. It makes you feel validated. You come alive and in that moment, you’re someone. Probably why social media is so popular.

Once the honeymoon phase is over is when the arguments and fights start. This is mostly because one or both partners have decided they’re done listening, and it is now their turn to speak. This phase is marred with assumptions and general misunderstanding.

From parents who don’t listen to their children, to employees who feel unheard by their bosses, to broken friendships and most failed relationships, there are several issues that could have got resolved if only one (or both) listened to each other.

Counsellors get paid for being able to just sit and listen. And the loneliest people on earth are those who lack a friend to share their thoughts and feelings with.Basically someone who would just listen to them.

Even the most hardened criminals or hijackers are essentially attention seekers with some unmet needs. When you hear them out and promise a viable solution, they don’t feel the need for violence.

Men are more aggressive due to being conditioned to hide their true feelings about a situation. Women are unhappy because they have been socially conditioned not to express their true desires.

At the end of the day, everyone is suffering and everyone is living a lie.

Is it a stretch to think that listening to each other might be the true key to happiness?

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